Section Three: Pastoral Considerations Bearing on the Celebration of Same-Sex Unions in the Episcopal Church37. The contents of this section have been gather primarily from clergy and congregations that have experienced the blessing of same-sex unions as public events which have taken place with congregational support. As with the first section of this Report, the purpose is to raise relevant questions. On exactly how these questions should be answered, participants in the 1996 Consultation hold a variety of views. The issues involved in celebrating same-sex unions in Episcopal parishes could be divided into these categories: congregational education and support pastoral responsibilities the relationship of clergy and congregation to the Bishop and to other parishes within the diocese the relationship of clergy and congregation to the local community the possible outcome, for the congregation, of such celebrations.
38. Because there is a complex interaction among these five, the relevant questions are organized here in a narrative sequence: considerations prior to the event, considerations that arise once the decision has been made, issues pertinent near the time of the event, and considerations after the event. Considerations Prior to the Event 39. When clergy become aware of the desire of a gay or lesbian couple for a blessing of their union, the first thing is to ascertain the context or culture into which this request comes. Is the cleric clear in his or her mind about her or his own feelings and thoughts about the idea of blessing such a union? Is the local area one in which such an idea would be positively received? Is there support from either some clericus or local ministerial association? How does the vestry feel about the idea? Has the idea been talked over with the Bishop? How will one prepare the children of the couple and/or congregation? What sort of premarital counseling is necessary?
40. The clergy person must not act alone, in isolation from her or his congregation or in disregard of her or his relationship to the Bishop. It is important to have backing, and where this backing comes from may make a big difference in how one goes about having the blessing. Not everyone would agree that the Bishop is the first person to talk to. If the vestry is solidly behind the cleric, that is the best support available to begin with; jobs have, after all, been lost over much less serious things than blessing same-sex unions. To put the matter differently: anyone who is determined to have a same-sex blessing as an event of public liturgy can count on making waves. To understand where the waves may come from is extremely important. The cleric has a responsibility for formation in her or his congregation, such that liturgical acts serve to knit up, rather than to unravel, the Eucharistic community. 41. If the vestry approves and is backing up the cleric, the next issue to be addressed is education for the congregation about what is going on and why. In some congregations this will be minimal, because the climate of congregational opinion has already been prepared by earlier education. It is possible to view the idea of same sex blessings as a piece of a much larger whole, that of a catechumenal atmosphere within the entire congregation, where the church as a body nurture the growth of all its members throughout their lives. Baptism and Eucharist are the foundations of the congregation's life and liturgical expressions are properly done within the congregation as whole--including all regular marriages as well as same-sex blessings. On this model, the two people involved would be given sponsors early in their deciding to seek a permanent commitment to each other. These sponsors would be diligent in helping the couple look at all aspects of their promises to each other, standing in for the larger congregation and as such being included in the service of blessing as well as in the preparation. If the service itself takes place in two separate rites, as proposed in this Report, the sponsors would continue in their role through the first year or longer of the relationship. This would be done for all couples making a lifetime commitment to each other, without regard for gender. This has worked well for one priest in two different congregations. 42. Not every parish is one with a tradition into which blessing a same-sex union would easily fit. In such cases, Consultation participants urged that there be adequate education for members of the congregation as to what was to happen and why. Some clergy have done surveys of their congregations in order to ascertain present attitudes. Education can be fashioned accordingly. 43. In congregations where public liturgies of same-sex union have been performed, the educational keynote has been justice. Blessings for gay and lesbian people are of equal importance with blessings for heterosexual couples. 44. For the first such event of blessing, it may be important that the couple be well known in the congregation--people for whom there is already much support. If a congregation is to "go to bat" in such a controversial matter, it will be for people they know and love. In itself, however, this consideration should not rule out the blessing of any eligible couple. 45. What do we teach our children about this? Are there children of the gay or lesbian couple? If so, they need to be prepared, not only so that they can face and understand the congregation's attitudes, but also in order to respond to possible questions from people in their lives who are outside the church. 46. Another important question regards gay and lesbian adolescents. How will the congregation deal with this issue? How will these young people be treated by congregation? By their peers? 47. It may be inevitable that some individuals will leave the congregation over the issue of blessing same-sex unions. That possibility is one that clergy and congregation alike should be prepared to face, and to respond to in a pastoral way. Considerations That Arise Once the Decision Has Been Made for the Blessing 48. If the decision has been made to have the blessing, several concerns for the clergy should be addressed. How is one to address the subject with one's peers? Is there a group outside the congregation to turn to for support? If there is support within the diocese, are the supportive clergy willing to be public in their support? Or do they profess support, while adding that their congregations would not "understand"? Is there an ecumenical or interfaith ministerial association? Will it support the cleric? Or will she or he be shunned, even "drummed out of the regiment"? Will the Bishop be vexed by negative attitudes expressed toward the church, for example by news media? Has the issue been addressed in diocesan convention? There can be a real tension between acting on one's conscience and, on the other hand, holding the community together. Issues Pertinent Near the Time of the Event 49. Clergy who contemplate officiating at the blessing of same-sex unions must also address the issue of pre-blessing counseling. Here are some of the issues involved: Has the couple already "come out" as lesbian or gay? How do they feel about this public declaration of their relationship? Has the couple come out to their families? Have their family been made aware of their decision? Are the couple's doctors aware they are gay or lesbian? Have they been tested for HIV? How does the couple plan to share their income, property? How has each partner legally protected the other? There is need for such things as wills and durable power of attorney (including "for medical decisions"). How about children? Does the couple already have them? Do they plan to have children in the future? What are the expectations for the couples's continued life in the congregation? (The hope is that it will be sustained and continued.)
50. One element of preparation might be asking gay or lesbian couples to meet with other gay or lesbian couples in the congregation to talk openly about their relationships. 51. At this point it is also necessary to listen to the apprehensions and concerns of the congregation as the event draws nearer. People will fear the loss of financial support of some members, members leaving, media attention, diocesan conflict, becoming seen as a "one issue" parish or a "gay and lesbian parish," polarization and conflict within the parish. None of these is an idle fear, although some of the possibilities mentioned seem to be more feared than experienced. 52. Liturgy is a public event. When such a liturgy is planned, it can be expected that all the same social customs that a heterosexual marriage involves will be involved in this one too--invitations, questions (for clergy and laity alike) at the post office or the town square, media attention. If the issue is alive in public discourse at the time, the attention will be greater. How will such publicity be handled, and by whom? There may be protesters. Ushers who can quietly remove anyone who obstructs the service may be needed. The church may be picketed. There is the possibility of vandalism of church property. The specter of "bringing AIDS to the church" may be raised. Considerations After the Event 53. Many of the potential problems mentioned above can be expected to continue, and perhaps to be amplified, after a same-sex union has in fact been celebrated. Clergy who plan such a celebration should ask themselves whether members of their congregation will be pleased or instead feel discomfort once the event has occurred. Integrating the newcomers into the life of the congregations, and dealing with the perception that the parish is a "one-issue" group, are two of many practical concerns for which all who are involved would do well to be prepared. | 
